This post might not apply to everyone that reads it, specifically because not everyone's married. But I am, and this is a very important point to know whenever you embark on any kind of difficult endeavor. Make sure your spouse is truly on board! If BOTH of you are not totally bought into the debt freedom journey, then you'll either never see the end of your debt or you'll at some point see the end of your marriage. I'm no marriage expert but I feel pretty confident with my last statement.
Before we started our journey, neither of us really bothered to think about our debt. I mean, I knew we had debt, but I wasn't remotely concerned about it. I kept thinking we're fine, we can pay all our bills...with money left over. Well, I wasn't factoring in the fact that the payments we were making towards debt were the minimum. And if you know anything about how long it takes to pay off debts by paying the minimum every month, you would know that it's a problem! The other main reason why the debt didn't bother me has to deal with pride! I was so proud of my nice houses, the nice furniture, the nice cars, the fun vacations, etc... Besides, my peers and co-workers were doing the same thing. And the other people that weren't, well, they weren't rich enough, right? People who saw me probably thought that I was a young, successful businessman that made all the right moves. So, why wouldn't I be proud of myself? Why wouldn't I think I was doing all the right things?
Then, as you've probably read in some of my other posts, there came a point when we realized debt was killing us. Even after that realization, my wife and I struggled to get on the same page to address the issue. I think we both had our moments. There were times when I thought she wasn't pulling her weight to try to get us out of this hole and I'm sure there were times when she didn't think I could lead us out of this mess. There were numerous times when I thought I deserved to buy something just for me or spend money that wasn't officially on the budget. And I know she felt all the pressure on her at times to cut her spending while I freely spent what I wanted. The truth is, I'm sure all of those thoughts occurred and probably all of those actions happened. Unfortunately, we did a horrible job of communicating these things to each other. So, we never got any traction on our debt free journey. That's probably why it took us almost a year to truly go hardcore on this journey, even after having the aha moment about how much our debt is hurting us. Moreover, with all this built up anger/frustration within us, I'm sure it triggered many the argument or fight.
There's no wonder why there's a statistic that says "money" is the #1 reason for divorce. But on the flip side of that, being on the same page as to your family's finances can strengthen a relationship as much as anything else. Rachel and I have finally reached that point. It's not always happy times when we discuss our finances. But the more important thing is that we do talk about it. This includes both our successes and failures. We love talking about the progress we're making towards reducing our debt. It's always a good time when we discuss our future goals and our dreams that we will now be able to achieve as we become debt free. There are still tough conversations like: discussing spending money we didn't plan for or how are we going to budget for birthday parties and Christmas gifts or how much money can we put towards our next vacation. But the vital point is that we discuss these things as opposed to thinking about them and getting upset with each other if an event like the ones mentioned above come up and we're not prepared. And to round it out, we agree on the decision together. There's no more "you said this" or "you wanted that". It's "we decided to" or "we planned to".
Basically, I believe that couples need to be on the same page on their finances and mean it. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Both people need to show they're in it to win it! I'm sure you've heard the saying "two heads are better than one". Well, if you're married and trying to go through the debt freedom journey, two heads are essential for success!
Before we started our journey, neither of us really bothered to think about our debt. I mean, I knew we had debt, but I wasn't remotely concerned about it. I kept thinking we're fine, we can pay all our bills...with money left over. Well, I wasn't factoring in the fact that the payments we were making towards debt were the minimum. And if you know anything about how long it takes to pay off debts by paying the minimum every month, you would know that it's a problem! The other main reason why the debt didn't bother me has to deal with pride! I was so proud of my nice houses, the nice furniture, the nice cars, the fun vacations, etc... Besides, my peers and co-workers were doing the same thing. And the other people that weren't, well, they weren't rich enough, right? People who saw me probably thought that I was a young, successful businessman that made all the right moves. So, why wouldn't I be proud of myself? Why wouldn't I think I was doing all the right things?
Then, as you've probably read in some of my other posts, there came a point when we realized debt was killing us. Even after that realization, my wife and I struggled to get on the same page to address the issue. I think we both had our moments. There were times when I thought she wasn't pulling her weight to try to get us out of this hole and I'm sure there were times when she didn't think I could lead us out of this mess. There were numerous times when I thought I deserved to buy something just for me or spend money that wasn't officially on the budget. And I know she felt all the pressure on her at times to cut her spending while I freely spent what I wanted. The truth is, I'm sure all of those thoughts occurred and probably all of those actions happened. Unfortunately, we did a horrible job of communicating these things to each other. So, we never got any traction on our debt free journey. That's probably why it took us almost a year to truly go hardcore on this journey, even after having the aha moment about how much our debt is hurting us. Moreover, with all this built up anger/frustration within us, I'm sure it triggered many the argument or fight.
There's no wonder why there's a statistic that says "money" is the #1 reason for divorce. But on the flip side of that, being on the same page as to your family's finances can strengthen a relationship as much as anything else. Rachel and I have finally reached that point. It's not always happy times when we discuss our finances. But the more important thing is that we do talk about it. This includes both our successes and failures. We love talking about the progress we're making towards reducing our debt. It's always a good time when we discuss our future goals and our dreams that we will now be able to achieve as we become debt free. There are still tough conversations like: discussing spending money we didn't plan for or how are we going to budget for birthday parties and Christmas gifts or how much money can we put towards our next vacation. But the vital point is that we discuss these things as opposed to thinking about them and getting upset with each other if an event like the ones mentioned above come up and we're not prepared. And to round it out, we agree on the decision together. There's no more "you said this" or "you wanted that". It's "we decided to" or "we planned to".
Basically, I believe that couples need to be on the same page on their finances and mean it. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Both people need to show they're in it to win it! I'm sure you've heard the saying "two heads are better than one". Well, if you're married and trying to go through the debt freedom journey, two heads are essential for success!
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